Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize