i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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