Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
