Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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