fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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