hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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