so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
