How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
