FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
