Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
