Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
