Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
