So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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