Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize