i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
