I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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