somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
