This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
