Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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