Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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