Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
