2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
