She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
