I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
