That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
