i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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