Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
