remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
false alarm, still single
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