Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
