I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
