Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
