On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
