My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
