Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
