we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
