I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
