The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
