Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
