If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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