you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
