i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dear god my vagina.
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