If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is the high leading the old right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
