Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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