I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
