Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
