What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
