I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
