also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
