we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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