My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
