Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
