I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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