it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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