I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
