Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
