We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
