Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All the doctor said was why
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
