Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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