do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize