I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
