i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
