worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
