Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
